What I Learned in August

1.  It is harder than it looks to drop kids off at college.

I don't really consider myself to be an overly emotional person. I've never been the helicopter mother. I've allowed my children space to grow up and be independent. I know college will be good for them, but at the same time I worry and I really miss them. The house seems very empty. Eight and a half hours away is very far.

2.  Life has some crazy surprises.
I never expected to be hired by Wayne CSD this summer. I hadn't even applied for the job. The principal of the school called me up to tell me he had learned about my credentials and asked if I would consider interviewing for the job. The first question of the interview was a disaster and I was sure that I had lost the job at that very moment. They liked me anyway!

3. My regular reader from Mountain View, CA is using a proxy IP address.
I was curious about this regular visitor so I decided to do a little sleuthing. I figured out that the IP address connected to that visitor is a proxy IP.  I don't know why this person thinks they must hide their location while reading my blog. Maybe they will comment about this and enlighten me.

4.  The school district that hired me over the summer does not have air-conditioning in its library!
This is horrible. This is not just because I am self centered and like to be cool on hot days. (Although that might be part of it) It is very bad for the books to be subjected to heat and humidity. I've noticed that some of the books, especially the older ones, smell a bit musty. I will be trying to change this.

5.  My new office has a motion sensitive light. When I'm working at my desk, it will turn off and then I'm in the dark.
Okay..so it isn't totally dark, but this is still quite annoying. Especially since the motion sensor cannot "see" me so I cannot simply wave my arms around. I must get up and go around my desk to turn on the light. I will be buying a desk lamp very soon.

6.  The woman that the Lord impressed upon me heavily to pray for approximately 11 years ago had a bout of cancer right around the same time.
I just found this out last weekend. When I was lead to pray for her many years ago, I felt strongly that it was her health and that it might be serious. I begged the Lord to heal her and spare her life so that her husband wouldn't be broken-hearted and alone. After my prayer, I "reasoned" with myself that I was being rediculous and that my obsessive thinking and imagination was getting the best of me. I still prayed 'just in case', but figured that it was probably nothing. Last weekend I stalked her on the Internet. (Yes, I admit it...but don't we all do this with people from time to time?) That was when I learned of her bout with cancer.

7.  This same woman is a beautiful daughter of Christ both inside and out. 
This fills me with joy. I think she must be a wonderful woman and I'm glad she was the person the Lord chose.

8.  My son is an impressive leader and is very comfortable taking on roles of great responsibility.
This summer, he took on the job of being assistant program director at a Christian camp in the Adirondack Mountains. My husband and I went up to the camp to pick up our daughter who had been a camper for a week. We got to see Allen (age 20) in his role as assistant PD. He lead with authority and even prayed for all of the campers and the camp speaker who was about to give a message. It brings great joy to us as parents to see him growing into a responsible adult who follows the Lord.

9.  Allen has climbed 41 out of 46 of the Adirondack high peaks!
I am so impressed and proud of him!

10. Our daughter Alicia is quite knowledgeable about the constellations.
We were in the backyard at Jamie's sister's house. They live in the country, so you can see a lot of stars on a clear night. Alicia pointed out several constellations to me. She was able to name them and tell me about the Greek and Roman stories behind them. She is a quiet girl and I was impressed with her excitement and willingness to share her knowledge with us. I asked her if she had learned it in school. She said no. She learned it because she was interested in it and researched it on her own. Her librarian mother was so proud of her!

One Bird Left

We drove out to Indiana on Friday to drop off Allen and Audra at school. We stayed in a nearby hotel and arrived on campus to move them in on Saturday. Audra has two roommates who seem nice. They spent quite a bit of time setting up their room, decorating, and in discussing organization and decorating ideas. There was even some discussion about different devotionals they have used. Allen showed up to discover that his roommate opted not to transfer to IWU. So Allen has a single for now.  He quickly unpacked his stuff, put together his bed, and declared himself settled. We managed to purchase a car for them so they have transportation. Since the trip out is 8 1/2 hours, this should make things a bit easier for them and us.

These were taken yesterday evening...just before gathering in a circle to pray as a family for them. We said our good-byes and then left. I'm glad that they have each other and that they get along so well. They always have. I feel very good about the school and it's strong Christian stance. We attended a worship service last night to welcome new students. During that worship service, a prayer was lifted up for the new students and a short message on following Christ was given. I couldn't help thinking about the contrast between this experience and the experience my parents had when dropping me off at college. My college was clearly not a godly environment. My roommate was definitely not a believer. There was nothing to welcome new students and certainly no worship service, although I believe that my parents prayed for me as they drove away that day. I think leaving me there must have been difficult for them. I feel at peace about leaving them there...but think that they could have chosen a school that was closer! ;)

We will miss them. The house already seems a bit quiet. Now we must adjust to having only one child left. Alicia is in eleventh grade this year...which means that in two years, we could have three children in college at once! I don't know that they will be home before Thanksgiving break, but there is a parent weekend in October.

An Unexpected Answer to Prayer

So...here is another crazy story where God left me with my mouth hanging open. I think He really enjoys doing this for His children on occasion.

I was nearing the end of my delayed grief. It had been really a difficult thing to go through. I was glad to finally begin seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. One day I cried out to God and said, "Lord...I'm getting this! I'm accepting it. I'm okay with this now...but can you please just let me know somehow that he (the one I lost) is following you? I just really want to be assured that he is walking with you." I had almost forgotten about that cry out to the Lord when about two weeks later, God suddenly just dropped the answer into my lap.

Before I tell you what happened, I need to tell you the following as background information. At this time, I had been corresponding with a childhood friend who was living in Ohio. Quite frankly, this woman was driving me crazy. She was sending me multiple emails a day...mostly full of nonsense. You know the type...pictures of puppies and kittens, urban legends, stories that ended with instructions to "send this to 10 people if you love Jesus," and the like. It got to the point where I pretty much stopped opening the emails she sent. I just hit delete.

One day I opened my mailbox and against my better judgement, I opened one of her emails and actually read it. I'm still not exactly sure what made me do it...but I know it was definitely a God thing. The story was quite a touching one about the friendship between Steve Green and Rick Husband. It told about a concert put on by Steve Green at a church in NC...only hours after the tragic death of Rick Husband in the space shuttle crash in 2003. When I got to the bottom of the page, the author identified herself as a secretary of the church where the concert had been performed. She named the church, along with its location. I immediately recognized the name of the town because in 2002 I had sent a letter of apology to the “one I lost.” It was the same town.

"Wow," I thought. "I wonder if this is the church that he and his family go to." Honestly, I figured that there were probably a dozen churches in this town and probably some more in neighboring towns that he could have attended just as well. In any case, I decided to look at the church's website just to see what sort of church it was. I did not expect to see his name or anyone else's in his family. My husband and I are very active in our church...and yet, you cannot find either of our names on our church's website anywhere. I just expected to go on the site and see names of staff, a mission statement, what sort of ministry opportunities they offer, etc.

When I went on the site, I was surprised to find an entire church directory on it. There it was-his name, his wife's name, their address, and phone number. It even mentioned that his wife was the children's choir director. I was absolutely stunned and knew it was God's way of showing me that this person and his family were following Christ. To be honest, I was also a little annoyed by the church for putting this directory on the site. I just thought it was a bit of an infringement on the privacy of its members. A couple of weeks later, I still couldn't believe how my prayer had been answered. I just had to go on the site to look again. The church directory was no longer there.

I was just so amazed that God had really cared enough to answer my prayer. I had not gone looking to find the information. I had not stalked him and his family trying to answer this question. The answer had just been given to me! Even the disappearing church directory such a short time later was proof to me that the Lord's hand was in this.

"The Preacher" Writes Some Words

I have quite a few very cool stories that show me how real God is or that he just wants to bless us with something amazing. I'm going to record some of those stories here. I just feel like they should be documented before they are forgotten or lost to time. Some of the stories have something to do with the trial I have spoken about recently...others don't. The other day I thought of one that should be put into the same category as this one.

Allen was always a unique child because of his hunger and thirst for Jesus and the Word of God at such a young age. Before he started school, he would sit at the kitchen table and painstakingly copy down Bible verses word for word. He would usually use the box of memory verses that we used as a family. He would ask me to read the verse to him and then he would slowly copy each letter, each word, each punctuation mark onto a piece of paper. Meanwhile, I would be doing the dishes or cooking dinner. I was so intrigued by his dedication, but I had no idea what the Holy Spirit was doing in this little guy's life while he worked hard at this until he started school.

He started kindergarten at Canandaigua Primary School and had Mrs. M as a teacher. From time to time she would pass out paper to the children and tell them that if they knew how to write any words that she would like them to write them down. She would put these papers in a binder that she referred to as a journal. If they only knew some letters, that was okay too. She didn't expect anything amazing from the children, but this exercise usually gave her a good indication about how the children were progressing with writing. Usually lists of words were short...including words such as mommy, daddy, dog, cat, a, the...or would include a very simple sentence. But not my Allen. This is what he wrote:

Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37 

This was quite a shock to the teacher. She was so stunned that she had to keep the paper and tell me about it. This woman was not a believer as far as I know and didn't quite know what to do with Allen who was constantly talking about Jesus in class. She sometimes referred to him affectionately as "the preacher." Meanwhile, the classroom aid was quietly cheering Allen on because she was a Christian herself. To be quite honest, I was quite surprised too. I had no idea that he was capable of writing something so intricate without having to copy it from another source. He even knew the biblical address of the verse. I truly believe that the Holy Spirit was actually teaching my 4-5 year old how to read and write. I also knew and was blessed that these words of truth were seeping deeply into Allen's mind and soul. This actually has brought tears of joy and gratitude to my eyes.

Somewhere in my stuff, I have the very paper that he wrote out the verse on. I found it and added it to the post. I also added a gospel tract of sorts that he created (with his own words that I added to the back) around the same age.

Allen is home from the Adirondacks,

Fear not...nor let your anxiety take over your thinking!

Yesterday, I went into the library at my new school just to look around. I took Audra with me because she wanted to see it. I looked through every cupboard, drawer and file cabinet. I looked at the book shelves and figured out where all the light switches are (one can never take that for granted). I looked at what technology is available and my teaching space. I started considering how I would arrange my office.

Suffice it to say...I was a bit overwhelmed. I started to feel some mild anxiety but managed to think my way out of it. However....this morning I woke up with a knot in my stomach and general feeling of dread. That is basically what depression feels like and it stinks.

I had applied to five different school districts since June. I got turned down for three of them after one interview and never even got called for another. The last one was a part time position in a really nice school district in Monroe County. I had some very strong connections in this school district. When I went in for the initial interview, which was just with the principal, he basically told me that due to some raving recommendations and my previous work in the district, that I was their top candidate. Wow! I thought, "This is it. I don't even care if it is only part time." I would be working in a large HS with another librarian who is full time. They used to have two librarians at that HS and were hoping to build that up again. I also knew that there may be a chance of getting a full time position in another school in that district since I know of an upcoming retirement next year. I was happily envisioning myself working for this school district soon.

I was pretty content, when I got a phone call out of the blue. It was the principal of the HS in Wayne CSD. He told me that they had a full time position open and didn't get many applicants. He had learned of my credentials by looking through the digital applications online that had been made public to all the school districts that used this particular service. He found mine and was sufficiently impressed. He wondered if I would be willing to come in for an interview. I had actually heard about the opening but missed the deadline for applying. I decided not to worry about it, so I hadn't given it another thought. I agreed to come in.

By this time, I actually had my heart set on the part-time position. I figured that I would go into Wayne, only to have it confirmed that the school district with the PT position would be the better choice. That was not what happened. Instead, I was pretty impressed with the place. The principal and assistant principal were very personable. I immediately felt very comfortable with them. I was called in for a second interview a week later and felt the same thing. It wasn't at all what I expected. Now I knew that I would have to make a decision because I knew that I would be offered both positions. (I just knew...sometimes you do) The next morning was my second interview for the PT. It went very well, and I think that it would have been a good choice.  I know I could have been very happy there, but decided on the FT at Wayne.

So...back to this morning. I woke up with this knot in my stomach. Ugh! I hate when that happens. I just started having all sorts of doubts about my decision. It didn't matter what I was thinking, because the decision had been made. I had already notified both schools of my intent. I just had this general feeling of, "What have I gotten myself into?" Typical of depression, I was sure that I didn't really have what it takes to be successful at the FT position. I wish that I was positive thinking all the time...but I'm not. I had to go in to school to do paperwork today and meet the superintendent. I prayed on the way up there that the Lord would allay my fear and anxiety. I had been pretty sure that I had felt his leading to choose this school, but now was assaulted with doubt (oh me of little faith).

I went to the district office and met with the super. As soon as I sat down with him, I felt very comfortable. I met several other people and everyone was very nice. I was feeling good again. I also was quite happy to learn that my salary will be very comparable to what I got when I worked in Webster. I had assumed it would be less because it is a more rural district than Webster is. I went over to the HS to go into the library again. Then I started meeting all sorts of teachers who came in to say hello and introduce themselves. One of the English teachers told me that she had already reserved space in the library for September. I met my mentor, who is going to be a wonderful help to me. I have heard nothing but positive things about my full time aid. I can't wait to meet her.

So ...the Lord certainly allayed my fear and anxiety today. I have the weekend to relax. I will be in a few different days next week...but not every day. Allen comes home from the Adirondacks tomorrow. He and Audra will be around for one week and then they will head off to school at Indiana Wesleyan University at the end of next week. Yes...they both chose the same school. That is quite nice for us. (Gordon just did not give us a realistic financial package, so IWU was the choice) After we drop them off at school, I will have quite an adjustment to make with only one left at home. How did the time go by so fast? I'm glad that I will have a new job to keep me busy...not to mention that it will help cover the bills. My first day of school is August 31. The first day for students in our district is Sept 2. Alicia does not start school until the day after Labor Day.

I am sure that when I get into the swing of things at my new job that this blog will become very quiet once again, but maybe not.

A Job

There has been a change of status for me as of yesterday afternoon. Yesterday morning my status was "unemployed."  I am happy to say that I am now employed by Wayne Central School District as the librarian in the high school there.

It needs a lot of work...as it has been neglected for many years. Rolling up my sleeves today!

God is Slowly Working On Me...As I Surrender

So...God is good.

He knows the way I take, and when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. (Job 23:10)

God is still working on me and I know that when He is done, I really will come forth as gold. The thing is, God works very slowly on us. It takes a lifetime for him to complete his work in us.

Really, it's kind of exciting. What's next, Lord?

I still want to be like that lady from the retreat center, no matter what it takes.

Photo by my sister, Martha Teal. Stolen by me.

Louie

On June 7th, we received the shocking news that our friend, Louie Rudin passed away. His example of walking closely with Jesus Christ will always be with me. His was a race well run!

The first time I ever saw Louie was when I was a senior in high school. That fall, I went on a weekend retreat to Watson Homestead with Young Life. Louie was a YL leader in Seneca County and was the retreat speaker that weekend. (In fact, he was my husband's Young Life leader) I don't think I ever laughed so hard in my life! He had an incredible sense of humor...but best of all, he loved the Lord with all of himself.

About 5 years later, after I graduated from college, I became a YL leader myself. I had the privilege of getting to know Louie as a fellow leader. He would often drive up to Rochester to come to our leadership meetings on Saturday nights. He always had a smile on his face and kept us all laughing.

The first few times he came to leadership he said, "I ought to bring my housemate to this. I think he'd like it." One Saturday night he finally brought him. It was Jamie! I had actually met Jamie a few months earlier when we were both counselors at YL's Saranac Village. I married him about two years after Louie reintroduced us. It was one of the smartest things I ever did!

Louie was in our wedding. In fact, he drove the car we rode in from the church to the reception. On the way, he drove us through the McDonald's drive through in Penfield. He thanked the workers for coming to our reception and ordered us a drink and some fries.

Although we hadn't seen Louie in many years, we always considered him to be a good friend. The testimony of so many people at the memorial service was impressive as they got up one by one telling how Louie had introduced them to Christ or encouraged them in their walk with Him.

Louie will be greatly missed here on earth, but he is in a better place! Some day we will see him again.

Almost to 46!

Jamie sent this picture yesterday from the Adirondack Mountains. He met up with our son, Allen to do a little hiking. Allen has been working as the assistant program director at a Christian camp up there.

Allen has now hiked to the top of 39 out of 46 of the high peaks. (Jamie is up to 7)

I love these two men in my life!

Ian Morgan Cron on Pain

I really wanted this with the previous post, but it kept messing up the format of all the paragraphs. I gave up and decided to post it separately.
Please take the time to watch this and pay close attention. It is totally spot on! It was when I ran towards my pain that I finally found healing.

Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed code

Praying the Alphabet

Sometimes I slip into doubt. The enemy does not want me to trust in my Lord and savior. Instead, he wants me to question God's love for me. He drums up every sad memory he can to attack me. He reminds me of how people hurt or betrayed me. He whispers the grievances I have felt towards others...and stirs it up again. He reminds me of my failures and tells me that I could never minister to others by telling them about my deliverance from spiritual bondage. He tells me that my story is a total joke because I am not living victoriously. He tries to make me believe that my Lord does not have my best interest in mind...that He is actually a cruel God. The pit of despair looms near...threatening to swallow me up in it. I've been down this path many times and I know that the only way to get through it with victory is to go to the foot of the cross. To fall on my knees before Him. To regain focus on God's truth and who He is.

Sometimes I "pray the alphabet." The Lord showed me this trick one night as I lay in bed. I often have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Too many racing thoughts. I have quieted my mind by lulling it to sleep with dull thoughts. One of the ways I have done this is to go through the alphabet and for each letter, say as many names that I could think of beginning with that letter. It shuts off the crazy, worrisome thinking and replaces it with the mundane. So I would start. "Ann, Amy, Abigail, Antoinette, Alice, ...Barbara, Bernice, Betty, Bernadette, Babette,...Colette, Catherine, Christine, Cassie, Cassandra, Camille,..." (I'm not sure why, but I always stick to girl names) Usually by the time I got somewhere between H and N, I had fallen asleep.

One night as I lay in bed, not only did I have racing thoughts, but they were all the attacking thoughts that I mentioned in the first paragraph of this post. I started the alphabet name trick...it wasn't working quite as well. It came to my attention that the Lord inhabits the praises of his people. If I praised Him, how could anything negative be present? Satan hates the praises we lift up to Jesus. He cannot stay around for that. I decided to try praising the Lord using the alphabet. There are no hard and fast rules for this. Sometimes I linger on a letter and come up with several praises or attributes. Other times, it is just one.

Heavenly Father, you are Almighty, you are Beautiful, the Beginning and the end. You Created the heavens and the earth. You are my Deliverer. You are Eternal. Your love goes on Forever. Great are your works, Oh Lord! You are Holy, the great "I Am." You have Justified me. You Keep me in the shadow of your wings. You are all Knowing and Loving. Father, you are the Maker of everything. You Made me and have promised to Never leave my side. Only you, oh Lord are worthy of my praises and my full admiration. You give me strength to Persevere and to never Quit the race set before me. You have promised me Rest when I come into your presence. You are my Salvation and my Truth. You bring the Ultimate Victory against the lies of the evil one. You are Wonderful. Yahweh. Thank you, that I will be one day in  Zion. In your very presence. Why do I get so hung up on things here on Earth, Lord? Why do I not trust you? Lord Jesus, thank you for loving me all the time. Every minute of every day...even when I am straying away from you. Help me to be ever faithful to you each day. Amen.

As you can see, sometimes it doesn't end at "Z." Sometimes I keep going and drop the alphabet entirely or I start over. Sometimes I fall asleep in the middle of it, but I know that my Father doesn't mind...just as I didn't mind if one of my children fell asleep while I read to them. I have never prayed the same alphabet prayer twice. Sometimes I vary it to be a prayer of gratefulness and I name blessings he has brought to me.

I hope this post encourages you and gives you a tool to use to combat the lies the enemy tells.

(If anyone can come up with something for "X" or another "Q,"  just leave your suggestion in the comments.)

Yielding to His will for me

The Lord has shown me again and again that He knows everything that will happen to me and He is not surprised by it.

I need to absolutely trust Him. Why shouldn't I? He loves me. He has been there in my darkest times. It was then that He whispered to me to choose life. It was difficult because everything within me was screaming out for me to choose the opposite. I heard that whisper and clung to that. He brought me through it.

He has told me things that at the time, I did not want to hear. But now...years later, I find comfort in. Things that made me say, "No. Lord! I cannot bear that! Why? Please don't!" and now I look back and say, "My Heavenly Father knew. He knew. And it was all right in the end...He knew it all before it happened. It went all according to His plan."

I just want things my way sometimes. I am very arrogant to think that I know a better way.

Through a Glass Darkly

Most of the time I feel pretty strong...like I am doing well in spite of life's bumps and bruises...(and festering wounds). At those times, I can be joyful and go about life with little worry or concern about life's disappointments, both present day and in the past.

Lately I have been struggling again. I have to cling to the hope that it will all become clear one day and I can look back on this life and say, "Of course! Now it all makes sense why God allowed that to happen. In fact, it was part of his plan and it was perfect!" For now, I see through a glass darkly. I sometimes feel like I am clinging for dear life to a raft in the middle of an ocean...where the waves are buffeting me and threatening to pull me under.

Graduate!

We had a graduation party for our daughter on Saturday. In spite of the rain, it was a success. I'm thankful for the great accomodations at Onanda Park.

Congratulations Audra! We are proud of you!

Some Really Eerie Similarites and Lessons I've Learned About Life

My oldest daughter Audra.

• My daughter is 18 years old. 
• She looks something like me.
• She doesn't like running.
• She has seriously considered choosing mathematics as her college major.
• She works in our town's public library.
• She is going to her senior ball (which is tomorrow night) with a young man named Steven.
• She and her date (along with their group of friends) are going out to dinner before the ball at a restaurant in Bushnell's Basin.

When I found out that last one, I thought to myself, "Please do not tell me that it is Richardson's Canal House." (It still exists...I checked)

"What is the name of it?" I casually asked.

"Branca's," she said.

I really felt a sense of relief hearing that. Keep in mind that my daughter knows absolutely nothing about my own dating history. No names, dates, restaurants, etc.

The only thing she knows is that I worked at the public library in my home town too, I did my undergrad in math, I'm not a runner,...and that people say she looks like me. 

She does not really want to be like me at all. She says she will NEVER become a librarian.

She will be going off to college in Indiana in the fall. I am praying that she transitions well to college life, that she will never encounter the serious trouble with major depression that I experienced during my sophomore year (my first year at a college away from home). I don't think I could bear seeing my daughter go through that.

If she ever does go through that, she will know that depression is a medical condition that she is not at fault for. She will know that she can get medical intervention. These are all things that I did not understand all of those years ago. No one understood. I was pretty much on my own with it. My entire life was turned upside down that year and I experienced my greatest heartbreaks, losses, and pain...all because of major depression. It took me approximately two years to recover physically from it...but many more years to recover emotionally. I also know that the Lord planned all of it and that He was with me during that time. I even believe that it was His plan that the people in my life misunderstand me and come to false conclusions about what was going on. Some of them completely turned their backs on me. It was an awful, but necessary pain for me...but I still don't want any of my children to experience it. I can't control that. I need to let go and trust God for His plan in their lives.

I have forgiven the people who hurt me and I have forgiven myself for hurting others, but sometimes I still feel the bruises in that most tender spot in my heart and have to remind myself that...

He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed His steps; I have kept his ways without turning aside. Job 23:10-11

It is true that I went through that horrendous experience. It really ended up being one of the most pivotal points of my life. It has shaped who I am today, but through it all...I kept my faith in Christ. I have come to the conclusion that walking with Christ and learning to put Him first in your life is what life is really all about. It is not about falling in love and getting married, and having children, a great career, and then saving money so you can retire comfortably. I'm not denying that these can be truly fulfilling things in life, they can be. But life is about making the choice to follow Christ...and sticking with it, even when life throws you some curve balls.

My Famous Nephew

Seen in the break room at Pal-Mac Intermediate School.

And some of you are saying, "So what?"  (I could hear you)

What is totally cool is that the design on this little paper cup was created by my nephew, Jim. He is all grown up now and lives in St. Paul, MN and is a graphic artist. How many of you can say that you know someone who created art that was put onto paper products that are being used (and thrown away) at picnics all across the USA? Pretty cool, huh? Check out my sister's post: Designer Paper Plates

What added to the coolness of the moment was that the school's art teacher walked in and I told her about Jim's designer paper plates. I told her he grew up in that little town just north of current location. She took the paper cup to show her students and talk to them about it!

Is that cool or what?

Running

Today my husband ran a half marathon. He's done a full marathon before and several triathlons. I haven't.

I really admire runners. I admire their tenacity, their grit...their drive. I'm a little bit intimidated by them too if I'm honest about it. I just don't seem to have what it takes to be successful with running. Whenever I have run...I've always wanted it to be over. I've never loved it. I once made up my mind that I would run in a 5k. It was not an easy one either. I trained all summer...and at the end of August I ran that 5k without stopping. I did it! I wasn't very fast...in fact, I was among the slowest in my age group. After it was over...I was glad! People had told me that running would be addictive, but I didn't feel any withdrawal symptoms when I didn't run again.

Somehow, when it came to running, I didn't have the tenacity and drive and grit it takes to keep it up. I've tried to make myself love it...but can't seem to do it.

Years and years ago I dated a runner. He wanted me to become a runner too. I remember feeling my stomach knot up whenever he alluded to me taking up running. Little did he know, I was already struggling with my sense of self-worth and couldn't figure out what he saw in me. I carefully hid those feelings from him. Having him express his disappointment that I wasn't a runner didn't help matters. Later on in life, I met and married Jamie, a non-runner at the time. I remember telling him how I didn't like running. He felt the same and I remember feeling a sense of relief.

But alas there came a time when he decided to try running in our church's annual 5k race. For him it WAS addictive. He had to run another and then another one. Soon he was wracking up too many 5ks to count. They were getting too easy. So he moved on to longer races. Then he tackled his first Marathon. After that, he couldn't find contentment, so he started training and competing in triathlons. We even birthed a runner! Our son, Allen enjoys the sport very much. Jamie and I hang out with people who run and compete. Luckily for me, there are few others like me in our crowd. Two or three other wives who aren't into it either...and even a husband or two. All along, Jamie has never asked me to run...or has even hinted at it. He seems comfortable with me being who I am...but I admit that once in a while there is this 18 year old girl inside of me who struggles with a feelings of inadequacy.

I really am proud of my husband and how he has this drive to do this sport.

Peeling the Onion

I should nick name our house, "The Onion"...for whenever we peel back a layer to do some work...we discover more work that needs to be done. In this case it is the porch roof, which had been leaking. Naturally, we discovered rotting old plywood...which we removed. Then..of course we discovered rotting planks. The joists had some damage, but seemed solid enough...so we are going with them.
We hope to eventually tear off the entire porch and rebuild it...but for now, we need to focus on the problem at hand.

And of course...in the process of climbing in and out of Allen's bedroom window to access the porch roof, his windowsill seemed a bit loose. Upon investigating beneath the old metal window wrap, it was discovered that the wood itself was mostly nonexistent because of dry rot and carpenter bees. So we ditched the wrap which was over said sill...and now we need to rebuild the bottom part of the frame.

I am grateful for friends that come and volunteer to help my husband. A true blessing.

I am so thankful that progress has been made on The Onion this weekend.

My husband also casually mentioned the possibility of painting the house. Here's hoping! I have been longing to paint it for years, but have been respectful of my husband who did not want to waste time, energy and money to paint when he plans to update the siding.

Whenever I am tempted to complain about the progress of fixing up The Onion...I have to remember this:

By the world's standards, I have it pretty good.

This Old House

Do you remember this post with this picture?

Now the little house looks like this.

I'm not sure what happened to all of the things that Alicia and I glued on it in 2009. The only thing left on it is one of the keys and the penny. The wrench, ruler, gasket and two other keys have all disappeared. Where? I don't know, for I never saw any of the items on the ground. 

It is kind of sad what time has done to the little house, but yesterday I discovered that in spite of appearances, the little house has a family of chickadees living in it. 

It seems like there could be a good sermon illustration somewhere in this. Let me know if you think of one...include scripture references.