Running

Today my husband ran a half marathon. He's done a full marathon before and several triathlons. I haven't.

I really admire runners. I admire their tenacity, their grit...their drive. I'm a little bit intimidated by them too if I'm honest about it. I just don't seem to have what it takes to be successful with running. Whenever I have run...I've always wanted it to be over. I've never loved it. I once made up my mind that I would run in a 5k. It was not an easy one either. I trained all summer...and at the end of August I ran that 5k without stopping. I did it! I wasn't very fast...in fact, I was among the slowest in my age group. After it was over...I was glad! People had told me that running would be addictive, but I didn't feel any withdrawal symptoms when I didn't run again.

Somehow, when it came to running, I didn't have the tenacity and drive and grit it takes to keep it up. I've tried to make myself love it...but can't seem to do it.

Years and years ago I dated a runner. He wanted me to become a runner too. I remember feeling my stomach knot up whenever he alluded to me taking up running. Little did he know, I was already struggling with my sense of self-worth and couldn't figure out what he saw in me. I carefully hid those feelings from him. Having him express his disappointment that I wasn't a runner didn't help matters. Later on in life, I met and married Jamie, a non-runner at the time. I remember telling him how I didn't like running. He felt the same and I remember feeling a sense of relief.

But alas there came a time when he decided to try running in our church's annual 5k race. For him it WAS addictive. He had to run another and then another one. Soon he was wracking up too many 5ks to count. They were getting too easy. So he moved on to longer races. Then he tackled his first Marathon. After that, he couldn't find contentment, so he started training and competing in triathlons. We even birthed a runner! Our son, Allen enjoys the sport very much. Jamie and I hang out with people who run and compete. Luckily for me, there are few others like me in our crowd. Two or three other wives who aren't into it either...and even a husband or two. All along, Jamie has never asked me to run...or has even hinted at it. He seems comfortable with me being who I am...but I admit that once in a while there is this 18 year old girl inside of me who struggles with a feelings of inadequacy.

I really am proud of my husband and how he has this drive to do this sport.