Friday, June 05, 2015

Some Really Eerie Similarites and Lessons I've Learned About Life

My oldest daughter Audra.
  • My daughter is 18 years old. 
  • She looks something like me.
  • She doesn't like running.
  • She has seriously considered choosing mathematics as her college major.
  • She works in our town's public library.
  • She is going to her senior ball (which is tomorrow night) with a young man named Steven.
  • She and her date (along with their group of friends) are going out to dinner before the ball at a restaurant in Bushnell's Basin.
When I found out that last one, I thought to myself, "Please do not tell me that it is Richardson's Canal House." (It still exists...I checked)

"What is the name of it?" I casually asked.

"Branca's," she said.

I really felt a sense of relief hearing that. Keep in mind that my daughter knows absolutely nothing about my own dating history. No names, dates, restaurants, etc.

The only thing she knows is that I worked at the public library in my home town too, I did my undergrad in math, I'm not a runner,...and that people say she looks like me. 

She does not really want to be like me at all. She says she will NEVER become a librarian.

She will be going off to college in Indiana in the fall. I am praying that she transitions well to college life, that she will never encounter the serious trouble with major depression that I experienced during my sophomore year (my first year at a college away from home). I don't think I could bear seeing my daughter go through that.

If she ever does go through that, she will know that depression is a medical condition that she is not at fault for. She will know that she can get medical intervention. These are all things that I did not understand all of those years ago. No one understood. I was pretty much on my own with it. My entire life was turned upside down that year and I experienced my greatest heartbreaks, losses, and pain...all because of major depression. It took me approximately two years to recover physically from it...but many more years to recover emotionally. I also know that the Lord planned all of it and that He was with me during that time. I even believe that it was His plan that the people in my life misunderstand me and come to false conclusions about what was going on. Some of them completely turned their backs on me. It was an awful, but necessary pain for me...but I still don't want any of my children to experience it. I can't control that. I need to let go and trust God for His plan in their lives.

I have forgiven the people who hurt me and I have forgiven myself for hurting others, but sometimes I still feel the bruises in that most tender spot in my heart and have to remind myself that...

He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed His steps; I have kept his ways without turning aside. Job 23:10-11

It is true that I went through that horrendous experience. It really ended up being one of the most pivotal points of my life. It has shaped who I am today, but through it all...I kept my faith in Christ. I have come to the conclusion that walking with Christ and learning to put Him first in your life is what life is really all about. It is not about falling in love and getting married, and having children, a great career, and then saving money so you can retire comfortably. I'm not denying that these can be truly fulfilling things in life, they can be. But life is about making the choice to follow Christ...and sticking with it, even when life throws you some curve balls.

1 comment:

Martha said...

Sometimes I think the less we want to be like our parents, the more like them we become. It's one of God's great jokes.