It's tough

I am in a difficult assignment.  I'm really questioning whether or not I am in the right field.  I'm very discouraged.

Today Lily came again.  Once again I could not read the story to the class with her there.  She started yelling that she did not want me to show Nolan the pictures in the book.  This was after getting together with Mrs. S (Lily's teacher) to go over her BIP earlier in the day. We also went over the seating arrangement together to try to put Lily in the best possible seat.  Lily was not originally going to even be in class today, but there was a change in plans and there she was.  She came in holding Mrs. S's hand.  Mrs. S said, "Lily is going to have a good day in the library today, aren't you Lily?"  Lily nodded. The children sat down and I started to introduce the story.  I got a half a sentence in when Lily said, "I can't see!"  I explained that I would make sure that everyone in the class got a chance to see the pictures....that is when she started in that she did not want Nolan to be able to see the pictures.  I tried to calm her down and of course it was useless. Mrs. R called for help.  We all got up and moved to another section of the library when support came and I read from there. The good news:  no running around the library this time and no lock down.

Then the kindergartners came in and there was a little boy who was terribly disruptive.  I don't recall him being there last week so I am assuming he was absent. He had a 1-1 aid with him and had to be taken away.  It took awhile for him to finally be taken away. Because he was so disruptive, it was impossible to read the story.  After he was gone, it was still challenging to read the story.  Many of these children do not sit and listen to a story very well.

I just looked up this child's name in the system because I could not remember it....it's Aiden...but that's not all.  I discovered that he and Lily have the same last name. Interesting.  Are they siblings? More sleuthing and I found out they have the same address.  Who are the parents?  There is clearly something dreadfully wrong with these children and it is very sad.  What causes them to be like this?  Whatever it is, it is not their fault.  They are victims of something.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.  I'm just afraid that tomorrow will be a disaster.  I worked hard all weekend to come up with different plans for the classes coming in.  My plans for the second graders are kind of sketchy and I'm very worried about it. I am trying to come up with a simple research project on insects with the kids.  The thing I am worried about is that there are only 10 computers in the library.  Tomorrow's class has about 24 kids.  We will have to break up into groups in order to take turns using the computers.  I need something to keep the other children busy and out of trouble while I work with the children on the computers.  Everyone will need instruction on how to use the database I am planning on using.  I also forgot to check how many headphones I have to use. I know that there are several in the back office...I just don't know how many.

What have I gotten myself into?