4/12/32-9/28/09

I woke up to thick clouds and gray sky. One of those days where you know it is just going to be drizzly rain all day long. Rachel called me and told me that I had better come right away. She said, "It's different today. He's not waking up and his fingers look gray." I left immediately. It's a 45 minute drive from my house to my parent's home. I got to Dad's bedside and held his hand and the tears rolled down my cheeks. I knew he was very close to death. I prayed that the Lord would come and take him. About fifteen minutes after I arrived, he slipped away from us. At that moment, the clouds parted and the sun shone down through the window and onto the bed where he lay. I honestly believe that it was a gift from God for us.
I had stayed over night on Saturday night and spent all day Sunday with him and Mom. Yesterday he seemed so tired. He told me that there was an entire parade of people waiting for him in heaven. He started naming them...but at the same time he was drifting in and out of sleep. I know he is having the most amazing reunion with so many friends and family who have gone before him.
He will be missed so much by us.

words...

There are just no words to put together about how I feel right now.

Friends

I have not blogged much about my feelings or posted status updates regarding my father. I just don't even know what to say. Yesterday I really lost it. I was at CBS (Community Bible Study)...I really lost it and the women around me were wonderful. I'm just so thankful for my family that God gave me here on earth. I'm talking about my parents and siblings. My husband and children. My nieces and nephews. And I am also thankful for my sisters and brothers in Christ.

The story of two runners

My husband and son are both runners. Here we have Allen at one of his high school cross country meets. He's doing very well. Today he placed 4th for his team.


Jamie was a competitor this weekend in the Finger Lakes Triathlon. He did great!
I'm very proud of both of them.

Oh but...just look at HER desk!

Every year at the beginning of the school year (and several times during it) I make valiant attempts to become organized. There are just so many papers to deal with. Papers for the school health office, homework policies, Awana, student handbooks, lists of teachers and their contact information, insurance papers, bills, loan papers, receipts, school supply lists, sports schedules, invitational schedules, fund raising papers, lists of important dates to remember, baby shower invitations, letters from religious organizations, volunteer papers, church papers...I can't even list it all.

How can someone who is aspiring to be a librarian be so unorganized? Well...luckily I have gotten a glimpse of a few different librarians' desks that are a complete jumble of papers and books...and these are good librarians too I should add. (I've also seen some spotless desks...but we are not going to mention them) Somehow I find this comforting.

Through the tunnel

Well I just don't know where I'm going anymore. I'm trying to be optimistic, but it is hard. I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel somewhere.

Tomorrow is Community Bible Study...that will help I'm sure.

Today I will go to the library to continue with my "volunteer work." This is rather amusing right now because no one knows I'm volunteering...including those at the library. I knew the children's department was a mess and needed to be straightened and shelf-read desperately. I went there on Friday to volunteer to do it...and no one was in the children's department save for a couple of mothers and little kids looking for picture books. So I just started in with the juvenile fiction books. I mean...who could object to someone straightening and making sure the books are in order? It took me about 2 hours to do a little less than half of the books in that section.

Here we go 'round the mulberry bush

At the Shaker village in Canterbury, NH there was mulberry tree. It was pointed out to us by one of the workers. She encouraged us to pick some and eat them.

I will say that they were absolutely delicious, although a little messy. I had never seen a mulberry tree before and wonder if they don't grow in NY state. I think they definitely should! I would like one in my yard. I ate several of them before moving on to the rest of the museum.

I also wonder why in the nursery rhyme, it is called a mulberry bush. It was definitely a tree.

Dangling?

I didn't mention to you that while I was on vacation, we got a phone call from my sister-in-law, Laurie, telling us that a tumor had been discovered in my father-in-law's colon. That was on a Friday. On Monday, I learned that my own father was in the hospital with chest pains. Later when I visited him in the hospital I learned that there was an unknown mass in his left lung. Monday night, Laurie called again to tell us that the tumor in my father-in-law's colon is cancerous. Two days later, the dreaded news came that my own father has lung cancer. The following day my mother told me that the doctors estimated that Dad has up to three months to live. Meanwhile, my in-laws are struggling with what to do about Dad B's cancer. It is stage 1, but Dad B is high risk for surgery since he is 86, has diabetes, and is in very poor health. The surgery alone may very well kill him.

I knew that I needed to postpone my grad work. I set that in motion on Friday, a week after the first of the bad news came in. There were emails to send, phone calls to make, and forms to fill out. Everything is so uncertain now. Just a week earlier I had been enjoying a mountaintop experience in New Hampshire with my family...and now I feel like I am left dangling on the edge. Vicky, the wife of one of my second cousins gave me a little food for thought that was comforting. She left it on the wall of my facebook account. She wrote:

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” Corrie Ten Boom

So I guess I'm not really dangling on the edge...it just feels and looks like I am. Kind of like Jamie here on the top of Firescrew Mountain in New Hampshire. It only looks like he is dangling precipitously over a three thousand foot ledge. Actually, the rock gently slopes downward and he is practically laying on it.

Peace that transcends all understanding

By now I am sure most of you have heard that my father has terminal lung cancer. I thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I have taken a leave of absence from school for the semester. Several times this week I came to my blog...but just couldn't manage to put into words all of my thoughts and feelings.

He is home now and is doing pretty well. He does not seem any different than he did before we knew...but we know now that there is cancer in his lungs that will take his life. However, the cancer cannot take away his eternal life! I had the privilege to spend over 24 hours with my parents yesterday and today. He is completely at peace about the entire thing. His peace spills over to the rest of us. I am amazed at the amount of scripture he has memorized. He quotes it often. I am thankful for my entire family and the love that is so evident!