Struggling

I have been struggling a lot today to keep my thoughts positive. I just feel so down and discouraged about life lately. I keep trying to remind myself that I have so much to be thankful for...but the negatives just have a tight grip on me.

What's up?

I have become a terrible blogger these days. I would like to get better at this again, but I've been having challenges. A quick update on my life.

I've had three interviews this summer. Each interview went well and I truly thought I had a chance...but I seem to never be the final choice for getting the actual job. It can be frustrating, but I'm trying to remain optimistic.

I got a call from a girl who told me about a public library that needs a full time children's librarian. I know about this library and was very reluctant because the hours of operation are bad. You see, it is a shared library: half the day it is a school library and the other half it is a public library. After being told several times about this position, I finally looked into it. The hours are M-Th: 3pm-9pm, F:3pm-8pm, and every other Sat: 10am-5pm. Absolutely not! A job like this would mean never being able to eat dinner with my family. It would mean leaving for work every day about the time my children are coming home. It would basically mean never spending time with them anymore. (or at least very little) It would mean never being able to see my son's sport events, attend any child's concert, etc. Terrible! I know that God must have a better plan than that for me.

In the meantime, I have been working at a Christian summer camp in the office. I really love it there. Last week, a former classmate of mine from high school came in with a large youth group from the city of Rochester. I knew that he had become a pastor. It was good to see him and talk with him. I had not seen him in about 20 years. I cannot afford to work at this camp forever. It has been a nice diversion...but unfortunately it will never pay the bills. Full time has not been offered anyway so it is irrelevant to think about.

Last week I got several mysterious bug bites on my neck, one on my right ear and two on my face. I also have four bites on my legs. The ones on my neck have flared up to a terrible rash...driving me crazy. I am on benadryl, also applying hydrocortisone creme. Keeping cool seems to help. Since today the heat is unbearable, I have been confined to a room in the house with an air conditioner unit in the window...which my personal doctor (husband) set up for me. Some people have told me that I ought to see a doctor (real one)...but I am hesitating because my health insurance is so poor. My health insurance decides for me-in it's infinite wisdom what is and isn't necessary to keep me healthy. Then I am left holding a large bill when I stray outside of it's guidelines.

That is all for now. I am ending this rather abruptly. Sorry...I have lost patience with thinking and typing while using a tiny keyboard...where I keep making errors and having to constantly correct.

Sorry no picture.

Old Childhood Friends

While staying with my mother, I've been dabbling a bit with my watercolors. Here is a little watercolor painting of some toys I used to play with as a kid.  They were leftovers from my older brothers.  At some point and time our pet dachshund got a hold of the grumpy one and chewed him up a bit. I think the blue one has a couple of bites out of it too judging by the looks of things.

An Update

I have not made any update of my life lately and thought that I'd give it a shot today.  I am at my sister's house caring for my mother while sis and her husband have a little respite. I am really enjoying it here so far.  I have been busy so far so that it has not become lonely.  Today will be slower, now that my work is done. So far, my visits with Mom have been pretty good.  She seems a little more like her old self now that her hearing aides are working better.

I like it at Martha's house.  It has a homey ambiance...which sometimes I feel that my own home is lacking.  I like being in a quiet place.  I enjoy listening to the birds sing.  It has been windy and a bit cooler than I  had anticipated and I have not brought long pants with me other than flannel lounge pants. (I cannot help but think of one reader from Australia who would use the word "pants" for something else entirely...no, it is not long underwear that I am wishing for).

My job situation looks bleak right now.  It is tough trying to find a library job.  I do have some leads...but there are many of us competing for the same positions.  I find myself questioning whether or not it was all worth my going to grad school...but here I am and I must look forward.  I have been trying to figure out what one does with an MLS if one cannot find a library job.  I have applied for 7 library positions lately, 2 of which have been given to someone else.  I did a long term sub job at a small country school district east of where I am located.  It took me about 50 minutes to drive there-not quite half way to Syracuse!  I was in a middle school/high school with approximately 415 students.  I liked the people there very much.  The school has some issues...but it is a tiny rural school with a tiny budget.  Not fair to compare it with schools in suburbs of Rochester.  The librarian there is retiring, but by law the job must be offered first to a person that school district had to let go a few years ago. I keep checking the website to see if there is any news, but so far there is none.

For the summer I am working 2 days a week as a secretary at a Christian camp located on our lake. I start next week. I think it will be a nice job for the summer, but I wish it was a little more hours.  We are really having to S-T-R-E-T-C-H our money this summer.  Speaking of camps, my son Allen will be working at another Christian camp this summer and leaves today. I think it will be good for him.

My artwork has been neglected for months and months.  I had hopes of working on it while at Martha's but I am having difficulty motivating myself. I have been reading Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Hounds of Baskervilles which is turning out to be a pretty good read.  It is a classic that I got for free on my kindle.

I am stealing a picture off of Martha's computer for my post. Since we shared a bedroom as children, I feel as though I am entitled to it!  LOL! An oldy but a goody of my daughter Audra and her grandfather...circa 2005?

7th grade orchestra concert

Here is one of my favorite daughters during the 7th grade orchestra concert on Thursday night.  They sounded wonderful!!!!

Why I Love BHS Library

I have once again been fortunate enough to be able to sub at BHS library.  I've been there for a good share of the week while the librarian is out of town.  How do you like the display I created? It is a collection of books that have been made into movies. (click on it to see a bigger image) The staff have gone to movie theaters over the years and have asked for the display posters of movies that are from books.  All sorts of books are in this display from The Grapes of Wrath to Harry Potter.  The cardboard cut-out was donated to the library by a student.  While I put this display together today, it generated a lot of attention from students and faculty walking by in the hallway.  A couple of girls even stopped to help out so that I wouldn't have to keep climbing out of the display case to stand back and look at it.  I was quite pleased with the results.

For the last few days, I have been trying to evaluate what it is about this library that I love.  Here are the reasons I've come up with.

• I always feel welcome and appreciated.
• The staff is so warm and friendly.
• The staff has told me that they LOVE me as a sub and always request me.  (Wow!)
• The students always seem friendly too.
• The staff members really like teenagers.
• The teenagers really like the staff.
• The staff have a wonderful sense of humor and allow teenagers to BE teenagers.
• The staff respects the students.  There is no unreasonable policing or "lording it over" the students.
• The staff have reasonable rules that make the library a functional, safe and respectful place.
• Students are never told that they cannot come to the library because it is too full.
• There is plenty of staff so that the library is never closed so that the librarian can go to lunch, teach a class, etc.
• There is a section of the library where students can hang out and just talk with their friends. They can even use their cell phones in this area of the library.
• There is a section of the library that is for study purposes.  Students are expected to be quiet and productive and they are!
• It is always busy and there is plenty of work to do.
• If a student has an overdue book, reasonable action is taken to get the book back..but the student is never black-listed for life! 
• The physical space is really ideal.

Anyway...I just wanted to share some positive aspects of a library I have been in.  I hope that one day I will work in a library that runs very similarly to this one.

Thou Shalt Not Borrow Books

I hope this little girl returns her library books!

Another experience while subbing recently at a school library to share with you. This one was frustrating and sad...and just plain ticked me off! A 5th grade class came in. My directions were to take the class into the library classroom for a lesson. While I was in there, the library aid came in with the list of students who did not return books and so therefore they were unable to check out any books that day. She also pointed out that there were two students in the group (I will call them Jane and John here) who were not allowed to check out books at all because of lost books. I looked at the list which displayed the due dates for the books in question. The due date for John's book was sometime in 2010 and the due date for Jane's was 2009. This takes these two students back to 3rd and 2nd grades when the items were lost. So these two 5th graders have not been allowed to check out materials since then. I know this to be true because I remember John from last spring while subbing in the same library. The same "note" was made then about this "irresponsible" child-the same lost book from 2010.
Apparently there is no such thing as grace at this library. The elementary school years are important years when the love of reading is discovered and needs to be nurtured. I wonder how Jane and John feel about libraries and books. These impressions may last a life-time. Next year they will be moving into the middle school in this district. I've met the librarian there and cannot imagine her carrying the stigma of these children into the library setting there. I hope not! Can she undo the damage done? Will John and Jane ever be forgiven for lost books in 2nd and 3rd grades?

Do you Google?

Another library story.

I subbed in a local intermediate school as a reading teacher. I've subbed for this school before and have felt great dismay at seeing the library so quiet...so isolated...so forgotten. Anyway...during the day I needed to go to a fourth grade classroom to assist a few students who struggle with reading and writing. The teacher announced that they needed to work on their research. They are studying life in colonial times. The class was divided into groups of 2-3 students where each group was assigned to research a topic such as farming, schools, village life, cooking, homes, etc. The portion of research that my three students were assigned was the subject of quilting. They fumbled around trying to locate books. Finally they asked their teacher and she couldn't find the books they needed. She told them to get the net-books out to use for research. So they got out two net-books, turned them on...and waited...........logged in..........waited.........and finally were ready to start. The first little girl went right to the Google homepage. I stopped her and said, "Wait a minute. Are there specific databases or websites that you are supposed to use?" (Databases are collections of resources to help people research topics.) She said, "No...we just go to Google." I stepped over to the teacher to ask her. She said, "No. They can just go to Google."
So what do you think a fourth grader puts into Google to begin her search? Why quilting of course! And what sort of information pops up? Everything!!! I tried to help by directing her to narrow her search by putting in quilting colonial times. At this time, who knows what popped up and we barely had time to look through it when the time for researching was over because the kids needed to get ready to go to a special.

So here's the thing that teachers don't realize. Librarians can help avoid all of this wasted time. Nothing was accomplished during the short 15-20 minutes that I was in the class. I'm wondering if the librarian even knows about this project. If I were the librarian at this school I would like to pull a bunch of books about life in colonial times to send down to the classroom on a cart for the students to use. I would also create path-finders to direct students to good and reliable websites to help students find information. That way we can avoid the long lists to quilting shops that have great supplies for quilters around the country. I would also look at the school's databases to see if there was any good sources there. I might even like to come to the classroom to show the students (and teachers) how to use the databases. I could even take it a step farther by helping to create a webquest for the class to use.

It was frustrating and yes...even painful to see this. I am just itching to become a school librarian and help with projects like this.

Contemplating

Been in a contemplative mood today. Decided not to cook dinner. Everyone fends for themselves tonight. Is that okay? Why do I feel guilty then? Here is another year-2012. I'm 45. Just wondering where I'm headed next. Thinking about family and relationships, choices, libraries and my neglected art. I wish I could travel somewhere.
Maybe it's time to go bake something with chocolate in it.

Something Sticky?

Waffles with sticky syrup?
Glue?
Gum on the bottom of one's shoe?
Jam on toast?
Honey?
Tree sap?
Duck tape?

Well...this is the very first post of the year. I subbed in an art class today and ended up doing some artwork. I drew a flower arrangement. The students were impressed and they asked if I was an art teacher. I said, "No...but I've always done art on the side as a hobby." I left it on the teacher's desk along with the report on how the day went. (It was a good day!) Now I kind of regret not bringing it home, scanning it and putting it on my blog. I haven't done any artwork in so long that it felt good.
Kristina, I promise to try to draw something sticky this week! It shouldn't be that hard, should it?

The hard Eucharisteo

It has been a harder Holiday season this year. It seems like I know many families experiencing personal loss this season. On Tuesday we attended the funeral of a 4 month old boy. Pray for this family. They knew his time here on Earth was going to be short...but it is so hard. Another family we know of lost their 19 year old daughter in a car crash on December 11th. She was driving to church. Luckily we know Nancy really loved Jesus. She really radiated Him in her life. Our pastor lost his 17 year old daughter in November. That has been hard for my children...who were friends with her. Ivy touched so many people. She will be missed. Another girl I used to know just lost her life to cancer a few days before Christmas. She was 39 and leaves a husband and 3 children. I hadn't seen her in about 20 years, but I still remember her sweet and gentle spirit. Childhood friends of mine lost their father, and two step-brothers in a tragic fire. My sister is related to this family through marriage.
Meanwhile...I notice my mother slipping farther and farther away from us mentally. It's another loss.
This is the hard Eucharisteo. I think I have been a most ungrateful daughter and have decided to become a more thankful one. It's not always easy. It takes practice and a lot of it. I've started journaling it the old fashioned way...with pen and paper.

Merry Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Do you have your shopping done? How about the baking? I don't!

BHS Class of 1946

I looked in the yearbooks at BHS today and found my aunt in 1946.
She's on page 25.
Here's a closer look. She looks like a sweet girl. I would have liked to know her. The sad thing is that a short time after she graduated from high school, she died in a car accident. She was only 19. My mother was 14; her younger sister. I've often wondered what she was like and how life would be different if she had lived. I would probably have an uncle and cousins that I don't have now. Who knows what sort of different set of dynamics that would have brought to my life and family. Today I walked down the halls of BHS and thought, "She walked down this same hall as a young girl in high school all those years ago." It made me feel momentarily melancholy. However, the library at BHS is much too busy to allow me to ruminate for long on thoughts such as these. It was another busy day and I was on my feet assisting and locating resources for students and shelving books.
(P.S. I will be subbing at BHS for one more day as it turns out.)

Welcome to BHS University.

Life has been interesting...even if my blog hasn't been. I have had the unexpected privilege of being able to act as librarian for a few days at this upscale high school in Rochester, NY. (Incidently, one of my aunts graduated from this school. Perhaps my older sister will let me know what year it was so I can look in one of the old year books there on Monday.) The regular librarian has gone to Florida because her mother is very ill.
I think it has been the most interesting high school I have ever worked at. It has an open campus policy. That means the students can come and go as they please, as long as they are present in class. There are no study halls. If they have a free period or lunch, they can go home or to a friend's house or even shopping for that matter...as long as they make it back to class, it is fine. They have operated on this schedule for years with very few problems. It is the first library that I have worked at where I have not had to say or have heard the following words, "Do you have a pass?" "Where are you supposed to be right now?" "Where are you going?" or "You must sign in." I find it to be rather refreshing. No babysitting! The clerk working with me says that the school treats the students this way, keeping in mind that the vast majority of them will be going to college in a few years (or less depending on their age) and the administration feels that it is part of the school's job to get the students accustomed to being responsible for their own time management. I love it! In fact, that was my first impression when I walked in on the first day. The library just had a very "university feeling" to it. Not only is the library very large (two stories), but most of the students are very academic.
It is also one of the most culturally diverse high schools I have ever been in (as far as race or country of origin...I think the vast majority come from well-to-do homes). There is a large Jewish population, as well as a pretty large Asian population.
The library is one of the busiest libraries I have ever been in. On the first day I subbed, I arrived at around 7:10 in the morning and found the library packed with students. Most of them were working on school work. School does not even technically start until 7:45. I happened to mention to the clerk that I need practice with reference questions. I have gotten practice alright! Some of these students are asked to research some very challenging topics. Each day I have had students come up to me asking for help finding information on some obscure topic. It has been a bit intimidating...but I am happy to say that I have been pretty successful! (phew) I am really enjoying this placement. I would love to work here! I am pretty sure the regular librarian loves her job too and will be returning on Tuesday.
In the meantime I will enjoy working there again on Monday.
(P.S. I forgot to mention that on the first day that I walked into the school, there was a man standing in a stairwell wearing a tuxedo, who was serenading the students on a violin. I'm not kidding! I'm wondering if they use fine china in the cafeteria...)

Don't Jump!

This picture was taken this past summer just outside of Lowville, NY on a trail that lead to Gleason's Falls.

I've been trying to come up with something interesting to say...I have to admit that I have sort of lost interest in blogging. I just can't seem to generate motivation to do it. I still like reading blogs...but I'm not sure I'm doing my own for much longer.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This is last year's turkey...fresh out of the oven. Someone managed to slice it before I took the picture.

Seriously?

Since I rarely ever blog anymore, no one even bothers to come to my blog. Go figure. Anyway...to my two royal (er...I mean "loyal") readers I write today.
I have been subbing in at least one library per week...with new ones asking me to sub all the time. I have observed so many things that I have decided to try and reflect on what I like and what I don't. I also must try to be discreet about what I don't like. I really do not want anyone stumbling upon this and it coming to haunt me one day. I do not wish to burn any bridges, but I need to reflect and learn from these experiences too. So all libraries: both good and bad, will remain anonymous.
Yesterday I subbed at a middle school library. I have subbed here a couple of other times. The librarian loves me. She and I are about the same age. I really like how she is quite relaxed in some respects: joking with the kids, always taking time to talk with them. She is very friendly and approachable. The kids like her and her library is a busy place. I feel as though she and I could become pretty good friends. I have one huge complaint however. Her collection is a mess! It drives me crazy when I am there. I honestly do not think anything ever is discarded from the library. She purchases new books, but never gets rid of anything old or outdated. All the shelves are very tightly packed and I don't see any evidence of things being shelf-read. EVER! (Shelf-reading is the process of putting the books in order on the shelf) A few weeks ago, I helped to shelf some books and it was nearly impossible to do it because nothing is in order. I'm not sure if anyone ever straightens or tidies the books either. I understand that a shelf of books can get messy quickly when students start perusing the shelves...but I've never seen it get THAT bad. While I was putting books away that day, I found one book that even had the wrong label on the spine. Ugh!!!! Give me a little organization. That's part of what I like about libraries. Everything has a place to go (unlike my own home)...so I can put things away and it looks nice!
It gets worse. I was giving a group of students an orientation of the library yesterday. I showed them all the sections of the library and talked about what fiction vs. nonfiction means, etc. I showed them the biography section. I randomly pulled a book off of the shelf to show them how the spine is labled with the first three letters of the last name of the person the book is about rather than the author. Guess what book I pulled? O.J.: the Story of Football's Fabulous O.J. Simpson, published in 1974. ( I even found a copy on e-bay: someone is trying to sell it for $10...no one's biting. Was great for an image though!) Seriously? Why is this book even in that library? This is not simply a rare or bizarre occurrence in this library; the entire library is like that! Whenever I am there, I am just dying to start weeding out books. No one wants to look at old books like this one. I actually fantasize about going through this library shelf by shelf and culling old books like this one. (I know that I am sick...but I am a librarian after all.)
So I've composed a little poem with the help of Emma Lazarus:

Give me your tired, your poor, your yellow paged books,

Your shelved masses yearning to breathe free,

Toss them into the wretched refuse of the school’s dumpster.

Send these to be homeless, tempest-tost either to the dump or to donate to someone who actually wants them,

I lift my hand to say "Good riddance!" beside the library door.

Libraries libraries libraries

I have not blogged in forever. I did not get a job this year...but am being kept relatively busy through substitute teaching. I'm getting better at it all the time. I no longer get very nervous about it. What is totally cool is that I am often called or requested to substitute for school librarians. In the past few weeks I have subbed in 6 different school libraries (some more than once). It has been interesting to observe the different moods of the different libraries I have been in. Some are relaxed and low key. Here are some of the things I have observed in those libraries:
-a group of students playing a game of "Jenga"
-students doing research on computers
-teachers stopping by to not only book the library for their classes, but to stop and engage in friendly conversation as well
-students coming up to the desk to find out if the sub can help them find a good article for their research paper (does she know her stuff?....and yes, I could!)
-laughter
-smiles
-joking
-a stash of chocolate
-middle school kids coming up to tell me how great the last book of a series was and how they need to put the next one on reserve.
-students saying, "Awww! Where's Mrs. ________?" (This is good...I'm the sub, but they love their librarian: which says a lot for her)

Sadly, I have been in a couple of libraries that seem to be the opposite. The adults who work there seem a little uptight to say the least. I was told by an aide that I really ought to go over and speak to a group of students who had come into the library to take pictures for a storyboard. Apparently, they were just having too much fun I guess. I noticed that no one seems to come to these libraries very much-teachers or students.

I just hope I never turn into an uptight librarian.

Went to a Yankees Game

We had a great time with family at a Yankees Game on Sunday! Our family (my husband's side) had an entire suite to ourselves. It was a wonderful arrangement, especially for my nieces and nephews who have small children.
I believe this is Derek Jeeter up to bat. He hit a home run!
we all had a wonderful time and will cherish the memories.

These little videos make me smile