Where is that girl?

There is an artist inside me....but she is lost. I can’t find her anymore. There is also a pianist who is lost too. I can’t reach her and it makes me sad. There is a playful girl who laughed easily...and she is scarce. She was a girl who danced, played the piano constantly...often creating her own compositions. She dabbled in art work and only occasionally read a good book. There is someone inside of me who yearns to be more colorful and eccentric...but she has been imprisoned. That girl has colorful dishes, and interesting home furnishings..that bring smiles to people’s faces and generate discussion. She has a studio of her own...where she never is required to “put away” her stuff. It’s always out and beckoning her (and others) to sit down and play. On the walls of her studio, she has magazine clippings, a color pallet, photographs, and prints of inspirational artwork. There is music playing. The place is a bit cluttered...but in a fun and creative way.

I’ve never been described as eccentric, but a part of me always wanted to be. I was never brave enough to do it. Is it too late to find my more creative and colorful self?

This past year I committed to a book challenge of 100 books on Goodreads. The high number was chosen with the idea that some of these would include audiobooks. I did it! 45 listened to and 55 read. I succeeded...but at what cost? While I’m proud of that, the pressure to live up to the challenge was too great. I felt pressured to read or listen at almost every given free moment. I’m not doing that again. I sacrificed things I’m not willing to sacrifice again. I want to find that lost girl and maybe the list girl can fade a little more into the background.

I started missing that lost girl in the summertime. I bought oil paints to try to find her. She started to emerge a little bit, and then school started. Pride wouldn’t let me relinquish the book reading/listening challenge. It was just too much to keep at it. I’m not giving up though. I won’t. I’ve got to find that girl before she disappears entirely and forever.