All of my life I have heard this: “God never gives us more than we can handle.” I’m sure you have heard it too. I am here to say that it is NOT true. I ran across this devotional today and it completely resonated with me. Please take a minute to go to that link and read the blogpost of the pastor who wrote it.
Over the course of about 15 years now, I have pondered something that happened to me while I was in college 31 years ago. I was 19 years old, going on 20 when I became very ill with one devestating bipolar episode that was brought about by extreme stress. (I will pause here briefly to state that I do NOT have bipolar disorder. Contrary to what the “experts” say, it is not always a lifelong sentence that you cannot heal from. I recovered from it and have never had another episode, but that’s another post) That illness changed my life. It changed my thinking: the way I looked at the sufferings and “sins” of other people. It changed some of my core beliefs.
That episode completely crippled my ability to function in all relationships (no matter what the commitment level) and made daily living a complete chore. Everything I did, from getting up and dressed in the morning, to going to classes, trying to complete homework, interacting with people...and even to the simple acts of daily decision making (like what to eat), became extremely difficult. I could no longer nurture relationships and consequently lost someone very dear to me. Even my relationship with my own mother suffered dearly.
During this time, I remember believing that I was a terrible failure as a Christian. When I tried to reach out for help from my Christian friends, I was simply told to “pray about it.” I kept believing that I was simply a rotten person who deserved to be punished. I became a terrible girlfriend to the boy I was dating, and I believed that I deserved to be hated and rejected by him. I was a lousy roommate. Sometimes I couldn’t get out of bed and just cried all day. It was no wonder she wanted me to move out...more rejection that I believed I deserved. I thought that maybe even God was mad at me. Maybe he even hated me and that was why I was suffering. No matter how much I called out to Him and read scripture, He didn’t seem to listen to me or even to care. I couldn’t pull it together. I kept believing that if I tried harder to “snap out of it” that I could. I failed completely. (Another interesting note here: I had no idea that I had a medical condition. It apparently wasn’t part of God’s plan for me to figure that out for another 14+ years) The aftermath was me being completely broken by the experience. The truth was this: it was way too much for me to handle.
It was too much for me. God had given me something that I could not bear. I despaired even of life. I felt the sentence of death (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). Honestly, I often look back and marvel that I survived it. I only survived because it wasn’t too much for God to handle. I had to get to the end of myself. The end of myself happened when I acknowledged that I couldn’t put my hope and faith in anyone else but God alone. Up until that point, I had largely relied upon myself. I had been a very “together” sort of person. I had congratulated myself on being smart and not falling into the “pitfalls” of drugs, alcohol, or sex. I had gotten very good grades. I could always think clearly. My memory was impeccable. I considered myself to be a strong Christian because I was good, attended church regularly, was pretty well-versed in the Bible and church doctrine, and of course had “prayed the sinner’s prayer.” I was even dating another very put together person, the salutatorian from my high school class (I knew how to pick a winner! Not like some other people I knew). I was honest, reliable and trustworthy. People could count on me to be loyal. I was the one who could come through. Congratulations self....until the year all of that crumbled apart.
Make no mistake about this: God definitely will give you more than you can handle at some points during your life. This is to show you that you need Him. This is to sharpen your faith. It is messy. It is painful. It can seem devestating. What is faith that has not been tried? It is nothing! You have to go through these things in order for faith in God to grow (Not to mention empathy toward others too). It sounds so cliche...but that’s it. The good news is that once you get to the end of yourself,...and you realize that you can’t put your faith in anyone other than Christ...it gives you a sense of peace. You can rest in Him and stop being so hard on yourself and on the people who failed to be there for you. Life doesn’t get better instantly, but somehow He gives you the strength you need to carry on. You still have to journey through life and it will be hard sometimes. Set your hope on Him and He will deliver you, although not always in the way you think He will.
