Adjusting

It's been difficult.  I'm not sure I will get used to it.  I have caught myself glancing over to where Sherman's water dish always was...a habit I formed making sure he always had enough.  When we were pulling in the driveway tonight after being out as a family, I thought about how we didn't leave a light on for Sherman.  A split second later I knew he was gone.  Today I was the first person home in the afternoon.  It suddenly occurred to me that I was alone in the house...I haven't been alone in the house for the past 9 years because Sherman was always with me.  I can't imagine taking a walk without him with me.  My walks always included him unless it was a destiny walk-meaning I was going somewhere that he could not come (like to the library or a store)  I think about how he is slowly being erased from the house.  When I vacuum, a little more hair of his disappears.  My family room carpet was vacuumed...and it still looks clean.  You'd think that would be a good thing, but I'd rather have the fur accumulating. There is a small pile of dusty fur in the corner of the living room by the book case.  I haven't managed to vacuum it up.  I'm also used to him jumping up to check the floor for food offerings when we finished dinner.  He always sat just outside the kitchen door.  We would read the scriptures right after finishing the meal and he would always get ready at that time to bolt into the kitchen because he knew it was almost time.  I used to call him "Scripture Dog."  When I checked the mailbox today, there was a small package for us from our vet.  It was Sherman's paw print in some hardened clay.

Sad Day For Us

I am very sad and also a little bit in shock.  Last week, my dog was being his normal sweet self.  On Tuesday morning he got up, I fed him and let him out.  He came back in and seemed fine.  I came home at 3:00 in the afternoon.  I noticed right away that he did not greet me with his usual exuberance.  I looked for him and found him outside laying on the grass.   It became obvious that something was wrong and that he could barely walk.  He made it into the house but went straight to bed-refusing to eat. Later he started vomiting.  He would drink, but only if I brought the dish of water over to him.  By Thursday morning, I decided to barricade him into the kitchen so that he would not mess my carpets.  When he attempted to move, he was all wobbly and clearly his back end was not working right.  Jamie was out of town and I knew I couldn't take him to the vet without help.  I wanted to wait til Jamie came home so we could face this together.

This morning we took him to the vet.  It didn't take the vet very long to figure out that Sherman had malignant tumors in his spleen/liver area.  Sherman also did not have very much physical sensation in his back left leg.  When he tried to stand up, he didn't know how to place his foot correctly on the floor. The doctor, a young man who just got his first veterinary job (two weeks now), was very kind to us. Apparently it is not uncommon that an illness like this show itself very suddenly.  Sherman probably had this 6 months ago, but was able to carry on as normal. There was absolutely nothing that could be done for Sherman and he would continue to decline and his suffering would get worse.  It was a difficult decision to make, but I decided that it would end today.

I called Jamie and told him.  He brought the girls to the veterinary hospital to say goodbye to him.  He couldn't bring Allen because Allen was at a cross-country meet south of Syracuse.  It was so sad to say goodbye to this creature that I had come to love for 9 years.  I was his favorite person.  He would follow me about the house and wait for me at the bottom of the stairs.  If I left the house to go out of town, he moped about the house.  I took him for walks regularly and he would sit at my feet and put his chin on my knee and gaze up at my face.  I will miss him.  I can't keep the tears from falling.  It already seems wrong in this house without him here.